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[Sheepify]

The Daily Brahmin
Because Shit Happens.

Special Report!

now with 20% softer pages than the leading competitor!*

*if any

by William DuNaught Keel

Scattered news are arriving of ongoing high-profile discussions between the Rogues, just recently controlling majority of the Northern Territory, and members of other factions. Unconfirmed reports suggest that Modoc, Klamath, Gecko and Broken Hills all have seen a recent change in leadership. Speaking directly from Klamath during the ceremony of transfering control of the territory to Mash Force, the Rogues spokesman had this to say,

"You know, everybody's talking how we kill anybody as soon as look at them. I mean, come on! That's just harsh, man. Totally not like us. So, we figure, you know, let some other folks have a run of the place, just to show y'all we're really pretty cool folk. I think that's them, too. Gotta go, man. Hey, look over there a moment, willya?"

Unfortunately, our on-site reporter was unavailable to provide further information, possibly due to the most recent increase in solar activity interfering with the working on his radio. Attempts to contact Mash Force were left unanswered, but we did receive parts of the messenger back, leading us to believe that further contact is shortcoming. We will continue to keep our readers informed as the situation develops.

Gecko, on the other hand, was allegedly acquired by Tim & Tom & Ted Lawyer Agency. Requests for confirmation, however, were met with a response sealed by a gag order along with copyright notification to the contents within, and, unfortunately, demands to be compensated for the Daily Brahmin's privilege of receiving said package in the first place. Our while our legal department performs a hasty armament upgrade, we shall assume that the news trickling in from the town are indeed accurately portraying it as under TiTTee control.

We have reliable secondary confirmation of Modoc having been successfully acquisitioned by the Chosen Soldiers. While sporadic explosions still indicate the process being short of full completion, a local resident, speaking on condition of anonymity, had this to say,

"I, for one, welcome our other heavily armed overlords."

Unfortunately, our contacts within the Chosen Soldiers report that the confirmation will have to wait while the process of affirming who is the Chosest is finalized. The occasional plumes of smoke over Mordoc are, contrary to earlier reports, not related to the change of management but a simple case of minor flame war within the faction itself. Unfortunately, further investigation met with an overly grilling response.

As an addendum, Mr. K. Wilkins of 4 Road Road, Modoc, please contact us during our regular office hours for the payment of 10 caps or items of similar value not exceeding said amount.

In an unexpected move, the Broken Hill community declared a previously unheard-of independence citing security concerns and falling property values (as well as falling properties themselves). Mayor Some mutant guy posing as mayor claimed that the settlement can thrive without a firm hand of a benevolently tyrrannical oversight. Questions arise what happened with the real mayor, and why are Supermutants allowed to settle in such a highly prized zone. An armored spokesman from Navarro commented, while being plead to for release,

"Ah dun see why thems Muties shoulda git all da glowey shit. Now line up, ya gits, gotta make da deliverah to them eggheads."

"We're gonna straighten that out soon," added the Sergeant in charge.

While both Den and Redding remain in the Rogues' control, analysts are sceptical about the profitability of long-term investment in the company.

"See, if they lose four out of six, that's the kind of bets I'd rather see going for me on my slot machines than somebody I might give money to," commented Mr. Bishop during a brief appearance to commemorate the sixth annual Dump-a-Rat.

The Rogues' notings tumbled on an anonymous and unconfirmed allegations placed on a building wall in Junkyard claiming that "Graf is a wanker."

THIS JUST IN!

The Rogues may lose Redding as well, as Vault Silene Brahminy is currently in the process of conducting a highly bold acquisition attempt!

Fresh off the wireless: "DUCK!" says a Vault Silene Brahminy member! Commentary from our avian expert in the evening edition!

(Now I'm never telling you guys whom I play. And I really ought to get some sleep already  )

[corosive]

This just in! Several reports of unknown grafifti has been found scattered around towns!
"Beware of The Judment Day Club" has been found writen on several walls around the wasteland!

"What could this mean?!" Screams a local Den citizen, "I woke up in a ditch to find such menacing messages in front of me! Like whoa!!"

But who knows what this means! Earlier today we recieved a mysterious letter from an unknown origin, it read:
"Beware all ye roam! The Judgement Day Club shall rise again!"

On behalf of the entire wasteland, I can safely say that we'll only have to wait and see! "Beware all ye roam!"

[Sheepify]

The Daily Brahmin
Because Shit Happens.

If you cannot trust us, whom can you?

EXCLUSIVE!

A day with the Man of the People

by Mary J. Binge

I am lucky. The day spent sitting motionlessly in the bushes pays off, and I reach the quietly-opened side gate with no bullet to the back. Or plasma bolt, energy beam, or any similar unpleasantries. With the Rogues in control of the place, no small feat indeed.

I am manhandled inside, and quickly and professionally searched for weapons. The Man does not abide any violence in his house, and the armed individuals are there to ensure that his wishes are made true. As one of them closes the door to the outside world, I can hear the shuffling coming from the slave pens. I re-introduce myself, all-together aware of what a tight line I walk. With no small amount of fear I await confirmation of the validity of the past offer.

The person behind my visit finally greets me himself. A middle-aged man, he has clearly seen his share of the world. It is also apparent that the world made numerous attempts at limiting his experience.

"Welcome, welcome. You did not have too much of a hassle coming in, did you? I do get out so rarely these days. You know how it is. Business to take care of, lack of understanding for the profession from other people. The usual."

Metzger is, if anything, cordial. We sit at a small coffee table, with refreshments immediately served by a lovely young pair. He catches my gaze on them and smiles,

"Interested? I might be inclined to part with them for a reasonable amount."

Always the businessman.

We chat, a civilized prelude to the actual interview that sent me into the dangerous North. For all the time that he spends in the single building serving both as Headquarters to his extensive enterprise, as well as the de-facto town hall, Metzger is quite worldly, if in a rather impersonal way.

"... and then we got away with about fifteen of those snobby Vaulters. Mind, the women were definitely worth it alone. You rarely find them in such good health elsewhere. And don't get me started on the tribals..."

Finally, it is the time. With a genteel grunt, he straigtens out. I need no further hints.

"Our readers would certainly like to know - what made the man we now all wish to be the person to ride our homestead?"

"Well. My father was a raider, so you could say I got wanderlust in my veins. We were always on the move, unlike some of those newfangled sedentary buggers calling themselves raiders. Bah, when I was younger, we had to walk for months to get to any decent pickings. In dust storms. Uphill, both ways. Nowadays?"

He grunts for a moment, then continues.

"After dad had his brains clubbed out by a tribal with a sledgehammer - much to our surprise to the fact that there actually was something in his head beside the skull - I gutted his second, and that pretty much was it. Those morons would still roam the wasteland if not for me. Oh, sure, we had our share of pickings, but... No plan! No vision! No solid investment in the local community!"

He gives his lodging an apprising gaze, nodding with satisfaction before continuing,

"Seriously, half the time they would get stinking drunk on the first jar of homemade, then set fire to the tent, hut, or whatever bloody place we found, without even considering the valuables that might be hidden in it. Not to mention the whole waste of human material!"

He is increasingly animated, the zeal that drove him to his current position evident in the wide-reaching gestures accompanying the explanation,

"I mean, think about it. What does the usual wastelander have in his tent? A half-broken rifle, maybe, and if lucky a dozen of shells. Half of which are going to misfire in his face when used. But when we get him, well, that's another skullgame. He gets to be useful, you know? Build up our lost legacy from the ashes. Instead of wasting away time in pointless activities, he's doing good! And we're the ones that make it happen."

"So... raiders do not take slaves?"

My question, born of ignorance as it were, is met with a look that sends icy shivers down my spine,

"What, you nuts, or pulling my chain? Raiders raid. Slavers enslave - although we prefer the term 'manpower reallocation.' It's like... you got to have completely different skill-set, you know? I mean, took me months to teach my guys not to shoot, stab, smash, blow up, choke, gouge, or whatnot dead everything and anything moving. It's a specialty skill, slaving, 's what it is. Don't let any upstart wannabees tell you otherwise. I mean, logistics alone, your run of the mill raider can't handle that! You try arranging food for an unknown amount of temporary employees in your care when you're heading out, not even knowing how many of your boys will come back. Raiders? Pfft!"

"Well, some wastelanders are selling slaves on their own-"

He does not allow me to finish,

"You know what? 'Slaves.' That's right! That's the word, right there! Whereas what we offer is skilled and properly trained help! I mean, me and my boys, any girl worth her price comes through here, we put hours of work into making sure she knows her business, you know? This is no picnic! That's on top of our usual 10-hour guard shifts, too! A guy with the right rough-and-ready look? It takes effort, effort I tell you, to work him over so's he knows what his business going to be guarding your things. You get that service from some slave-by-night prick with no facilities to put their charges through proper schooling? I think not!"

The points out of the back window,

"See that? Proper facilities. Fresh air. Healthy sun. Great food, if you think about what they usually get to eat. Protection from predators and other dangers of the world. We even make them clean up the cages every day. That's hygenic, that is! Show me another outfit that's so well organized! We care about people!"

He takes a deep breath,

"That is what Metzger stands for! That is why people trust Metzger! When we deliver, we deliver! You won't get one of our employees run away the first time they get a chance! That's because we make sure they know better than that!"

"People say nasty things about us, you know? We put heart and soul into delivering the finest. The finest. I could round up my boys right now, raid some shit-covered tribal village, take everybody, the lame, the old, and sell them off. You think not? I mean, technically, we still do... But Metzger picks. Metzger selects. Metzger makes certain the customer receives only the best there is... unless the customer demands otherwise. Because that's what Metzger is all about - the trust between us and people."

He gestures for his men, first part of the interview over, and I am led to another room where the high-power radio is located at.

We are the Daily Brahmin, and, like Metzger, we deliver.

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[Alvarez]

.... . .-.. .--. --..--   .... . .-.. .--.   ..   - .... .. -. -.-   - .... . -.--   .- .-. .   --. --- .. -. --.   - ---   -.- . . .--.   -- .   .. -.   .... . .-. .   --. . -   -- .   --- ..- -

Ahahahaha! I see the interview went rather well! 

[Lacan]

omg that was awesome ! )

hope you get out safely !

Nice one Alvarez, didnt take you too long O_o

[Alvarez]

omg that was awesome ! )

hope you get out safely !

Nice one Alvarez, didnt take you too long O_o

Ah, it just was a hobby of mine, but i can't even brag about it online, since you can translate everything with Internet.

[Sheepify]

The Daily Brahmin
Because Shit Happens.

Now with extra pages for your comfort!

Public Service Announcement

The head of the Union of Street Cleaners, Chimney Sweepers, and Dunnikin Divers (or Sierra-Charlie-Charlie-Sierra-Delta-David as they are known for short), Mr. Charlie Immondizia, had this to say from his newly erected mansion located in the more select area of New Reno:

"I would like to address the recent community accusations directed at the hard-working members of Sierra-Charlie-Charlie-Sierra-Delta-David, in particular the accusation of thievery and unlawful appropriatement of hard-gained valuables.

The working men and women of Sierra-Charlie-Charlie-Sierra-Delta-David are always concerned, first and foremost, with performing their duties in a discreet and efficient manner. Because of this, and the daily dangers faced by our members, we have no choice but to require that a certain degree of aptitude in avoiding detection by the less savory elements of our community is instilled upon acceptance into our guild. With the cutbacks to our budget in the recent 200 years, each member is a valuable asset, whose loss impacts us all. Especially if you consider that's one less person to pay union fees.

Moreover, the efficiency required by the demands of our occupation means that we often are not able to commit time to look for the owners of the many items frequently littering our streets. Or even to ask that group of heavily armed individuals standing nearby with smoking weapons. Our duties come first, and we are not trained to deal with arbitration in ownership claims, which often is especially difficult on account of one of the parties being frequently dead.

The outright lies spread about the goals of our organization are also often results of misinformation of the general public as to the range of our contractual duties. In particular, the claim that we only focus on high-value items is absolutely baseless and slanderous. We are limited by our contracts in the degree we can help with the clean-up of the frequently encountered bodily remains and parts thereof. That responsibility fails to the Amalgamated Biological Residue Clean-up Groups and Sundry Workers (A-Bor-e-CuG-a-SuW), which repeatedly refused our calls to become part of Sierra-Charlie-Charlie-Sierra-Delta-David.

All complains regarding the unfortunate presence of such objects should be directed toward said party."

The Daily Brahmin was unable to contact a representative of the A-Bor-e-CuG-a-SuW at this time due to high service demand in North requiring presence of all members of the organization.

"And if you kill all of those obstinate bastards, all the better," added Mr. Immondizia, taking a drag on his fine cigar and blowing a smoke ring.

[LagMaster]

can i be a reporter for you?