These builds are debatable, and what he really gave you is kind of confusing on my end, having 10 charisma for a slaver/merc leader, but it sounds like you're more into just slaving, so 9 Charisma and magnetic personality would be better. extra special for something else like endurance. Which you need for a slaver, alot. Crits. Knockouts.
Also if you DO intend on getting mercenaries, you need luck for that extra bonus to their HP.
But really there's a fine line between slaver and merc leader.
getting a good inbetweensy is tricky.
or you could take off one hander and put in fast shot or good natured, fast shot being useful for quick 1 shots to get slaves to their - HP.
You might want to change bonus ranged damaged to something else, not sure, didn't know what else to do with that perk.