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Author Topic: The story of a ghoul.  (Read 1792 times)

Whalecow

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The story of a ghoul.
« on: July 08, 2010, 07:48:59 am »


-September 23, 2239.
My name is Whalen, not like it matters anymore. Nobody respects me enough in the wasteland after what I've become. It was an irradiated typhoon, swept me off my feet and put me out cold for a few days... It's a miracle I had even woke up, although I wish I hadn't. My skin is starting to peel back all over my body see, I'm becoming what folks call a "ghoul". The only break I got so far was from an old fellow ghoul named dead eye. He roams the desert searchin' for scraps and junk metal to turn into usfull things for his village of gecko.

-September 30, 2239.
I've been helping dead eye for a while now, tearin' old automobiles apart, even ancient news stands have usfull parts in 'em. But one day, tall figures in dark suits of power armor aproached us on a daily scavange. They said that our deaths would be for the good of America... They killed ol' dead eye and would have done me in too if it weren't for those super mutants from broken hills. They found me just in time. One of 'em put holes in an enclave soldier from head to toe with one of those big ol' gatlin' guns. Heh, like Swiss cheese. Well I'm headin' off to broken hills with these nice goons, I'd only feel more comfortable if I hadn't known what these fellows used to do for that master and his ol' army years ago. But for now I should be safe.

October 1, 2239.
Today the mutants and I arrived at broken hills where I met a bulky fellow named Marcus, the sherrif of broken hills. He told me I was welcome here as long I did my part to keep the town prosperin'. See the mutants handle the tough work in the local mine shafts gettin' that valuable uranium ore. Than most of the ghouls are on duty to refine that ore into usable pieces. The normies than use their pretty little heads to sell it, usualy to that ol' city vault wacha call it and to gecko. But some of the most skilled ghouls (or just the lucky ones) get ta go on patrol with the big green muties. Marcus recognized my marksmanship with a Wattz 2000 and put me on duty! For once in my misrable life I feel I have a purpose and what not. Also I get to do the one thing I love most, fry hostile bastards to Brahmin shit with a microfusion cell powered rifle!
 
P.s. Comment if you would like me to continue...
« Last Edit: July 08, 2010, 08:26:14 am by Whalecow »
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FOnline character: a ghoul
yea it's not creative... But it's cooler than yours.

Michaelh139

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Re: The story of a ghoul.
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2010, 08:04:50 am »

Continue but make each log "slightly" longer although its still a lot of text it doesn't explain enough.

Other than that I loved it.
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Whenever I say something, imagine \"In my opinion"/ being in the front of every sentence.
Re: The story of a ghoul.
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2010, 01:13:22 pm »

nice, i personally would like to see more ghoul's thoughts (inner comments), because now its seems more like report than diary. and you need some big capturing plot at least in plans, tsll be bboring to read routine that leads nowhere emotional or action. But dont mind me if you like it how it is now, either way continue even if there would be some negative posts, your story would find reader.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2010, 01:21:35 pm by z0m2h14 »
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Whalecow

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Re: The story of a ghoul.
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2010, 06:59:22 pm »

i definatly have a plot in mind, but i like your idea of inner thoughts... what inspired these are the audio diaries from bioshock. I suppose these are more like holotapes. But yea im just trying to think about how to unfold the story from this point, more coming soon!
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FOnline character: a ghoul
yea it's not creative... But it's cooler than yours.
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